Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord. Psalm 31, verse 24.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Are You a Group Person? I Am Not!
Picture taken at Hemlock Cliffs in southern Indiana.
I have realized that I am not a group person, it is stressful for me and wears me down. I left a fraternal order I had professed into many years ago, it took a year and half of formation before I professed and became a full member of the order. Over the years it became less and less what I wanted or needed and started to become a burden and a worry to me and I started to dread the monthly gatherings. Oh, the gatherings were fine once I got there, but I would find myself trying to come up with excuses to miss the gathering as the day approached. If I went to the gathering I would always hope that due to family commitments I would have an excuse to leave early. Obviously these were warning signs, when something becomes a obligation and you have to drag yourself to it, it is not the place you should be. And, please don't get me wrong, the other members are good and friendly people, but we had no connection with each other outside of the monthly gathering, even though we have known each other for years we really don't know each other, yet we were to consider ourselves as family and be brother and sister to each other. All I could see stretching out before me was years and years of monthly gatherings doing the same thing over and over again and I just couldn't face it anymore. I lived with my discontentment for a long time, I knew I needed to leave but was too timid to do so. Last month I took a long walk, I prayed about the situation again, I pondered on the situation and I knew that the time had come to leave and I felt at ease with my decision. It took me a long time to pluck up the courage to write my letter of departure, oh but the peace and contentment once it was done. This simple act has simplified my life, I worried about this decision for months, it weighed on me, it overshadowed my life, it complicated things, but now I feel free and light, because the burden I was carrying is gone.