Friend-ectomy

I just listened to a BBC radio sitcom, All Those Women, about four generations of women, great grandma, grandma, mother, teenage daughter, living under one roof. The premise of the episode is that the mother is invited to lunch with an old friend who she really doesn't like but accepts the invite to be nice. The other family members urge the mother to do a "friend-ectomy" as the "friendship" isn't really that at all, it is in fact a dysfunctional relationship that serves no positive benefit.

Cut to the chase, the "friend" is not really friend, she simply likes to meet up occasionally and make lots of backhanded compliments about the mother and her family, in fact, seemed to thrive on patronizing the mother in order to make herself feel better. It made me think about friends in my life who have wandered in and out.

Some friendships were great for a time because both myself and the other person were at the same point in life, perhaps having small children at home, so it is nice to meet up at the park with the kids, do play dates etc. but as the children grow up and life gets the busy the friendship sort of loses its point. Others were workplace friendships, but once the "glue" of shared employer and day to day experiences goes there is not much else in common. The same can be said for neighbors, while living in the same neighborhood the friendship flourishes, but when one friend moves away the cause of the friendship, close proximity, is gone.

I can only think of two people in my life that I have "friend-ectomied" one became an extremely heavy drinker and just kept making terrible life decisions and I decided I did not need the drama in my life and there was nothing I could do to change the situation if the person could not see how self-destructive their behavior was. The other was a "user" (not drugs), simply a person who would call if they had no one else left to call, call only when they needed something, would always put phone calls, texts, facebook, etc. first, so you would be visiting, having been invited, and then spend a large amount of time simply sitting while the individual took phone calls, texted etc. Conversations always involved a lot of "name dropping" and only one topic was ever discussed - the individual. I put up with this relationship for years, and I am not sure why. I would be volunteered by this person to do things and be told about it later. Always suggestions would come along phrased in this way, "We should do ...? Well translate the We into me, I would be doing while the individual sat idly by issuing orders and doing nothing themselves. This person would go out of town, and then text to ask that we take care of household and outdoor animals, and never a thank you. Lets face it, I allowed myself to be shamefully used for many years. About six months ago the final straw occurred and I thought what exactly am I getting out of this "friendship" and I realized absolutely nothing except annoyance and frustration, and decided to stop interacting. At first I felt very guilty, but the guilt ebbed over time, I get a very occasional text or call from the person, but I never initiate contact, and I disengage immediately. I have NOT lost anything in my life at all, in fact, I have gained a lot, no more aggravation and annoyance, no more feeling horrible about falling into yet another trap and being used, and no more hurt, it is truly the best thing I did for me and my family :)

If you have a toxic relationship with someone why do you hang on to it?

Red Light, Green Light, Who Cares?

Driving to work today I found myself approaching a green light and noticed that I said out loud, "Pleeeaaase, Pleeeaaase stay greeeeeeeeen", then I wondered why am I always worried about traffic lights and wanting them to always be green? Why so stressed? I wasn't late, I wasn't in a hurry, it wasn't an emergency, good grief what a little thing to get all hyped about.

People pray to God, "Oh Please Lord let the light stay green?", I am guilty of this, I hope God just chuckled at my plea and got on with real prayer requests.

Why are we so obsessed with Green Lights? A few minutes waiting here, a few minutes waiting there, it really is nothing in the big scheme of things. But we are oh so very impatient.

I thought to myself as I drove through the light, that did remain green :), that never again would I give a darn about the traffic light color. If I can go I will go, if I have to stop I will stop and not grumble, because it seems a really stupid thing to get all riled up about.

So patience my friends, patience, enjoy each moment of each day because we only have so many moments to enjoy.

Namaste,

Bean

Winter - I am ready for Spring

Boy has it been a cold winter, we had a very brief reprieve from the arctic blast and then it returned for another week. It is supposed to warm up a bit over the next few days and I can't wait.

New Year resolutions are going really well, all kept so far!

Our youngest daughter, Emily, became a certified EMT this month when she passed her state exam. Next Monday she starts work as an EMT, she is really excited about her new job, and we are really proud of her. Next step is to get certified as an advanced EMT, while she continues to go to college to train as a paramedic.

Trying on her EMT jacket for her new job

Tomorrow our oldest son, Matt, turns 34. It is really strange to think about 34 years passing since we had our first child, the memories are so fresh in my mind, yet 34 years have passed. Time is a strange thing, it can really drag when you are stuck at a red light, but it seems to just slip through my fingers and it is hard to comprehend a 34 year span of time where so much as happened but all my memories are so vivid it seems as if they couldn't have happened so long ago.

Matt

This week I am working on cleaning out the freezers, It is surprising how many things just kind of accumulate. So for the next few weeks I am basing all family meals on what is in the freezer, tonight I am making everyone ham and potato soup with cornbread. Me, I will have my usual bowl of vegan goodness, or as my mom calls it my bowl of weeds :)

Vegan bowl of goodness!

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Odds and Ends

Good morning,

Well I am doing well with my New Year resolutions, I should say we are doing well, as Dave and I are both doing dry January, and it is going very, very well.

It has been a strange winter so far, it started snowing on Christmas Eve, then arctic air descended on Indiana and for two weeks it was sub-zero, including one morning where we awoke to a low of -13, that day the high reached about 2 degrees, BRRRR. On Sunday the weather started to change, we have had more normal highs of upper twenties to low thirties, today we are going to reach the mid forties, and tomorrow the mid fifties. As they say in Indiana, if you don't like the weather stick around a day or two as it will change!

This morning I went onto Facebook and saw an event advertised, The Indianapolis Veg Fest, it is FREE (bonus) and on Saturday, March 31, I asked Dave if he wanted to go and he said he would go with me, he is definitely not vegan :) he is a good guy and always supportive of me.

Yesterday on YouTube I found a great song by the poet Benjamin Zephaniah, it should be the vegan anthen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8UfTJoFr9w . If you have never read any Benjamin Zephaniah poetry, well you should, it is excellent, I have listened to a few interviews on BBC radio with BZ, he is an interesting man, very salt of the earth.

At the moment I am knitting a couple of sweaters for my two granddaughters, I am using a very bright variegated yarn and am enjoying the way the yarn knits up.

I am reading a book by Ken Follett, Fall of Giants, an almost 1000 page novel, but such a page turner, I just started it a few days ago and am already half way through. A epic saga about WW1, a mix of romance, family upheaval, and historical fact about how WW1 began and all of the behind the scene political maneuvering that ultimately pushed everyone into the war, it is very interesting. My big take away so far is here we are one hundred years later and NOTHING has changed. Those at the top make decisions that keep them at the top and wealthy, the rest of us are to a large extent simply pulled to and fro by the decisions of the elite. Well that is depressing, sorry about that.

No caption required! HAH!!

Well not too much else going on this week.

Peace be with you,

Bean

Happy New Year - 2018

Happy New Year - may everyone be blessed with good health and contentment in 2018.

Do you make new year resolutions?

I do and here are my goals for this year!

1. Buy nothing

Well obviously I will have to buy some things, food, basic household items, pet food and probably a few other things, think 9 grandchildren with birthdays. But, my goal is to not purchase items, new or used, unless absolutely necessary. I don't need any clothing, in fact I plan to have a pretty good clear out of my closet and dresser, there are items in there that I just never wear. 
Exceptions to my rule will be replacing items that break, but only after careful evaluation. For example our hot water heater is possibly on its last legs, it will be replaced and that requires making a purchase of something new, but it is a necessity, so when the time comes we will have to make a purchase.  Other items can be evaluated, if my coffee maker breaks down, I have two stove top percolators in the basement, I would go back to using them. You get the idea.

2. Enjoy a glass of wine once in a while, not daily

My husband has always been a beer drinker, and he enjoys a couple of glasses of wine, but we both feel we drink too much, it is an expensive habit, and it is NOT good for your health. So to start we are doing a dry January, and then, as Dave pointed out Lent begins shortly after (February 14), so we may continue on to Easter. I will still enjoy a glass wine outside of January and Lent, but I want it to be something enjoyed once in a while, not every day. Because one glass becomes two, and sometimes more, and that is not good.  

3. Really make the most of our garden this year

Last year we put our garden in late, we had a cool wet summer, and between deer eating our tomato plants and a somewhat neglectful attitude, the whole project was a bit of a bomb. We enjoyed cucumbers, peppers, cantaloupe melons and acorn squash, but we had nothing to can. The year before our garden simply suffered from neglect, watching 8 grandchildren two of whom were babies that summer, I did not have the time or the energy to keep up on the garden.
This year I am determined that we will have a fabulous garden as we did in previous years. I eat a lot of tomatoes so want to can many, many jars of them, I eat a lot of kale and collard greens, they are both easy to grow. I eat turnips and brussel sprouts every day, and both are easy to grow, and of course cucumbers, radishes and green peppers. I eat a lot of lentils, I don't know if I can grow them in Indiana, but I am going to research and see if I can grow some. 

4. Continue on as a Vegan, and keep daily exercise a priority in my life

This is my easiest resolution, it is how I live, so nothing to add here, just keep on keeping on. Oh, and be more disciplined in posting to my blog :)

I would love to hear your plans and goals for 2018.

Peace be with you,

Bean